Why Do You Give Away Your Power?

By Janet Zaretsky

When I worked in a corporation and I would get a call from my boss, my heart would drop and I would think, automatically: “I am in trouble. What did I do?” If the call came and I did not answer it, and I got a message that said “Call me”, I thought up all kinds of scenarios, including I was fired. I would get sweaty, my heart would race, and I would emotionally eat. The funny thing is I was rarely in trouble. It was usually some request or follow-up. However, no matter what, my automatic response was “I am in trouble”. Why did I do that? It is simply an automatic response from when I was a child. It happened at the brain level and was an old pattern I had not conquered. I gave my power away to the ghosts of the past.

With my clients, this is a typical conversation- where they give their power away. It may be like me, fighting non-existent ghosts of the past or something else. People are constantly giving up their power.

See if any of the following fits you (partial list):

1. Someone challenges you, or you are concerned you might be confronted, so you back down or don’t say anything. You're feeling frustrated, but you're keeping it all in. You swallow your power.

2. Someone does something that upsets you and you get angry yelling or huffing and puffing. You throw away your power.

3. Anytime anyone speaks in a certain tone of voice or looks a certain way, you shrink- like my example; you are in a fight with a ghost. You give your power away to something that is not real.

4. You get emotional. You give away your power to tears or other forms of upset emotional behavior.

5. You are competitive and gossip about someone to make yourself look better. You give away your power to gossip.

6. You have failed before, so you won’t stand for yourself and what you can do. You give away your power to the past.

7. You don’t speak up because you don’t want to ‘hurt’ the person. You sacrifice your power.

You may need to realize how often or in what way you give away your power. I find in my clients that fear is frequently the catalyst that has you give away power. So what can you do about it?

Awareness is the critical first step. If you are brutally honest with yourself, admit that you could be more powerful and you are giving away your power.

One of the consistent things I see among all people and work with my clients on: People only do something that doesn’t work because they don’t realize the cost of continuing that behavior. And they also get some protection or other type of comfort out of continuing the behavior. The next step is to discover why you are giving away your power. What are you protecting or afraid of? What does that behavior cost you- what don’t you get to do or be because you are giving away your power?

When you discover what that behavior costs you, give it up. Get bold and take your power back. Realize when you do this if it is in a setting you have been in for a while (like work), you have conditioned people to interact with you a certain way. When you take new actions and recapture your power, other people may get upset, or at the very least, be surprised. Do not back down, you can retrain them to interact with the powerful, courageous person you are!

Check it out on my website: http://www.thezenithbusiness.com

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